How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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