Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i barfeds in our rink
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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