fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
