dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
