see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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