I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
