Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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