is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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