my mouth tastes like poor choices
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
