Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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