Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
