arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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