Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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