My room smells like vodka and shame
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
