So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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