Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
