hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
