i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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