i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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