well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
