Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
