does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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