Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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