in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
