dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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