A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
