My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
