I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
