she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
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Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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