If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Couch. On fire.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
