considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
