I hate all girls vehemently.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
