Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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