Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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