My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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