thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
