just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
