I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
