I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
