I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
