Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
