that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
