you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You are a genius and a whore.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
