It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
