If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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