First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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