Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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