Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
