I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
