I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
