So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
