He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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