you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize