so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i used baking grease as lip gloss
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
