So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
