soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
