my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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