i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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