Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
