I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
