Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
