not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
