just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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