FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
