Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
