My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
