I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
