It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
